Hopeless romantic, but I'm rather hopeless right now
How much for my soul, Anna?
I feel painfully defeated.
I’m beginning to lose faith in people, which means I’m losing hope in what I want most out of my life because the single thought of a loving relationship rules over my happiness.
When I tell them I’m fond of romantic love, they try to redirect me towards safety. I put my happiness in a place that’s uncertain, bound to be hurtful and break my heart, where what happens is not only up to me, but for me, it’s the most beautiful thing this life has to offer.
One day, my princess will love me to her fullest. But right now, I no longer feel the need to talk to anyone. I’ve been trying too hard for too long. I feel crestfallen, misunderstood, lonely, and like the spark in me has died down to one match that slowly flickers in the surrounding wintery cold. If I could disappear to a rainy place in the middle of nature, with a companion by my side and maybe a few plants to take care of, then I probably would. Have my own desk where I could still play games and write, how sweet would that be?
I wonder if anyone would miss me…sincerely, truly miss me, and if it’d be out of pity or something more.
There is a hole in my heart. No matter what I do to fill it, the hole remains. The harder I try not to bleed out, the more exhausted I become.
Sometimes I’m so worn out that I’d like to go to sleep and not wake up again, just lie there and rest peacefully, knowing that I’ve tried my best and it’s still got me nowhere.
It’s sad, I know. I haven’t quite come out with things like this in the past, and I didn’t mean to upset anyone.
Truth be told, my truth, communication, being vulnerable, and wearing my heart on my sleeve have yet to bring me the joy that I’ve been looking for in the real life out there that’s not my blog.
“Think I forgot
How to be happy
Something I’m not
But something I can be
Something I wait for
Something I’m made for.”
☔ Here, have this umbrella for a rainy day. If you would like to support me, please share my story with your friends and loved ones.